Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Mother In Law Chronicles Part Two

OK, so I think she has an alarm set for every four hours or something. She calls me every four hours on the dot. Yesterday it was 9:42 a.m., 1:42 p.m., 5:42 p.m. and then she must have decided four hours was too long to wait for the last one at 7:42 p.m.
This morning she called at 7:42 a.m., 11:42 a.m., 3:45 p.m. *gotta mix it up or it's just plain crazy*, and then 7:43 p.m.
I call my sister out of exasperation and ask her what she thinks of the situation.

My sister- "Are all of her phone calls at something-forty-two?"

Me- "No, she switched it to forty-five a couple of times and texted me at random times during the day."

My sister- "So, she's a non-committal obsessive compulsive?"

Me- "If that's what doctors prescribe Klonopin for."

My sister- "Huh. I don't know what to tell you. Are you going to put my funny joke in your blog?"

Me- "Is that the only reason you are talking to me right now?"

My sister- "Kinda. I'm busy being pregnant."

Me- "Well what the hell do you think I've been doing all day long?! Cleaning?"

My sister- "Bye-bye."

Me- "Fine. You're a whore. I hope you have twins so you have two kids with the same dad finally."

My sister- "Me too!"

So... I checked with AT&T earlier and apparently they don't have an option to block phone calls anymore unless you are a teenager and your parents don't trust you, so I'm stuck with the never ending barrage of phone calls containing her bitter acidic voice asking me *nicely* to have my children call her so she can mess with their feeble, mold-able minds. Thank heaven *or in my case, beg it to let her on up* she's six hours away, otherwise I'd have to dodge texts, phone calls, door bells and possibly bullets.


  1. I had a mother in law like that once upon a time. She would have read this blog and been passive aggressive for the rest of my life.
    So I dumped the ex and moved on to a fine piece of ass...just kidding. I mean, I did dump the ex and my boyfriend is a fine piece, but I didn't dump the ex just to move on to his fine piece. It was because of his mother ;)

  2. I am lucky, my mother-in-law usually just bugs my wife.

    What is the world is your husband doing about this? Sorry I haven't read enough to know what his reaction is.

    OK, so first of the "Dingus Monologues:"

    Hey... Dude... Any chicks around? Hey, can you scratch right over here? I need to move, can you help a member out here?


  3. Told you it wouldn't be anywhere near as good.

  4. It's a good start though. I like the urban spin you put on it. My husband thinks it's funny I get so worked up but he's frustrated because everyone hates his mom and he has to break up family fights all the time that revolve around her and her crazies. He has basically taken the Switzerland stance on this one. He told her to up her meds but I don't think she listened.

  5. Man, the phone calls are some Amityville Horror shit right there! You know, waking up at 3:15 EVERY morning? I'm glad for YOU that you live 6 hours away...she's just not right.

    As far as your sister goes...way to put her in her place! Is she really a whore though? LOL

  6. A little. But she's a respectable whore.


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