OK! *Full body shake* I am ready to interact with strangers again!
Although I took a long vacation from blogging, I have still been compulsively checking my facebook and that hasn't helped me at all. I post new status updates about every two hours and am constantly wondering, "Why don't people 'like' this?" Not healthy. I am, on top of writing a book, scribbling in my journal and typing my every thought and emotion out onto my facebook page, going to blog again. Yay for you guys.
So... We all know I am in the middle of a divorce... yadda yadda yadda... The man I dated and then married turned. He is rotten and miserable and I need to toss him as far away from me as possible, just like the hotdog buns that I picked up off the counter this morning that seemed just fine, but when I actually picked them up and turned the package over, they were a solid green mass and I realized I had bought them three to four weeks ago. Shit. How long was the man I married rotting in this apartment next to me without offering a hint as to what a pile he was? There was no distinct smell coming from him. Wait, I'm lying. There was a VERY distinct smell coming from him, but I was desensitized to it I guess. He wasn't green, so I guess that's why I kept him around. He still isn't quite green and the only reason I know this is because he has decided to play a fun little game with me called, "Let's Send Shawna Pics Of Me And My New Greasy Girlfriend In Bed Together." I am losing I think. Unless you take his gf's outgrown roots into consideration, and then I believe he's losing. Well, now I'm just being mean I guess. I'm glad he's happy trying to make me miserable, but it's not really working because I don't care who he's sleeping with as long as it's not me. Go ahead and screw my friend. *ppssst* I know something you don't know! OK, I'll tell you, but you have to promise to never tell a SOUL! She also slept with your best friend and didn't use a rubber and was exposed to genital warts. So, FACE.
Now, I am "finding myself." What a waste of fucking time this has been. I don't know what I like or dislike any more and I'm getting really worn out trying to figure out all of my interests. I like food. There's a start. So, I cook a lot. And eat that cooked food. ALONE. Or with my kids, but they don't really count as company much because I'm just trying to prevent them from murdering each other and I feel more like a warden than a mom.
I like this one guy. So, there's another start. But not really. He doesn't talk to me much, so I send him these incredibly needy texts all day long, everyday, and probably bug the living shit out of him, but he's too nice to text me and tell me to "STOP." So, his silence is my green light to text him 83 times a day, everyday, and build a very one sided relationship with him, of which I have created in my head, and it all makes sense to me and I ask him for his input on the matter, but he must be "busy" or "sleeping" or "working" because he hasn't got back to me on it. I'll text him in a little bit and ask him again, maybe his phone fell in the toilet again.
So besides eating stuff and texting a guy, I have found very little happiness in the last five months. Oh, I had a kid. That was alright. She's pretty cute and doesn't cry much.