Monday, January 25, 2010


I am up early today and ready to make my big appearance! My 15 minutes of fame have come a'knockin' and I'm prepared to put on the best show of my life.
Because I was left three months behind on pretty much all of my bills (and that includes auto insurance and my car registration) while I was visibly pregnant by a total douche nozzle (who's full name will remain anonymous only because we haven't gone to court yet *it's not that I don't care about my readers enough to warn them of this man roaming the streets looking for single ladies to impregnate and then abandon*) I got pulled over by the fuzz and now am facing a hefty fine in court this morning. I owe the court about 1,200 dollars in which I am supposed to pay today.
I am going to get up when called upon in court and unleash the 'cute girl tears' with such a fury that my parents may actually be proud of me for once. I'm going to turn on those water works by any means possible. I'll think of everyone I love dying off in a scenario similar to the story line of The Stand by Stephen King, I'm going to pinch my self in that spot right under your arm where it's the fattest and most sensitive until I bruise, I'm even prepared to go as far as wearing a maxi pad backward inside of my underwear *because nothing can make a woman tear up faster than getting a pube stuck to the backing of one of those damn things*.
I hope it's a male judge.

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