Wednesday, November 11, 2009

In need of a get away...

This I the absolute loneliest I have ever felt in my life. The last few months I have tried to put a positive, humorous spin on my situation with my ex and my life in general and it just isn't working any more. I wish there were something laughable about my life. Something I could find humor in to bring me out of this rut I am in as far as writing and smiling go. The only thing I can find humorous at this moment is that I am working on a sequel to a book that hasn't even been published. It hasn't been published because I haven't even tried to send it off to a publisher out of sheer terror that I will be rejected. I am supposed to be over this. I am supposed to know that I will be rejected and be ok with it, but I can't accept the fact that someone may not love it. I play safe and give it to friends to read, which is stupid and self gratifying, but it is the only thing in my comfort zone that I am willing to do with my words. I need someone to slap me real hard across the face and bring me out of my funk. I need a motivational speaker to come to my house and tell me that what I am going through is better than living in a van down by the river. I need a babysitter to relieve me of my kid duties for five minutes so I can pee without someone cracking the door and asking me for more honeydew. I need a maid. I need to breathe. I need to focus. Everything seems blurry and hours are turning into self-pitying days. I need a time machine and a better mechanism in my brain for logical thinking instead of getting wrapped up in thinking that my life will magically apply it's very own band-aid and everything will work out like it always does in all of my favorite movies and books. I need to stop compulsively texting people because I am driving them insane with my neediness. I need to stop checking on my Facebook every five seconds to feel like I am connecting with humans because all of them on there are just farming anyways. I need a mental vacation and the nap I took today to simulate one was cut short by a screaming baby and the sound of my chihuahua eating a diaper out of the trash.


  1. Hang in there. There are many of us who are following you and pulling for you.

    Rejection is a normal part of writing. If you don't want rejection, you can self-publish but it is very hard to get your stuff out.

    Have faith in yourself. You are a talented and caring person with an audience who is pulling for you.

    Please, please, please don't give up. Send it out and when one rejects you, send it to the next.

    My outlook is I can't be any worse than some of the crap that is already out there. Why not me?

    Go for it. Live large! I am rooting for you!

  2. Aw! You're sweet. I'm going to send it out- one of these days lol. It seems like it's kind of a curse at this point though. I have this magical ability to alienate the people I care about most after they read it. Hope you are doing good!!

  3. Hellooo there! Um, we could be twins. Except I don't have kids. My husband and I just split also - so I can completely sympathize with the lonliness. I also understand fear. I actually get upset when I get a mean comment on my stupid BLOG. I am in the midst of writing a fiction novel that I'm not sure I'll ever finish. If you have finished - throw caution to wind and just send it out!!! Seriously! I bet you will be pleasantly surprised. We need to not wallow in fear and self pity. Let's work on it together, K?


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