So, after weighing the option of either giving my marriage another go, dying sad and lonely or asking for pointers on what the dating scene is like nowadays, I finally decided to ask a platonic guy friend what my chances would be out in the world among the male species.
"So what do you think? Am I hot or a leper?"
"You've got some good qualities...your diet needs improvement."
"I have to go now. Thanks for the 'fat chat.'"
"Well, you have a pretty face and great skin. You just need to trim up your stomach, ass and those thighs."
I have stopped wondering why he will be a perpetual bachelor.