Cough, Sneeze, Piss, Puke and Piss some more.

OK. I might lose a few readers because of the contents of this blog, but then again, I might gain some too. Here goes...

This morning I started a pot of coffee as soon as my eyes popped open and I downed a cup as quickly as possible, which in turn made me choke a little bit. I started coughing and sneezing at the same time and because I am on my third kid, my bladder isn't what it used to be. The sudden respiratory attack allowed my bladder to let lose it's contents all over the front of my pants. I jumped in the shower and thought the worst was over, until I finished bathing and felt that hot lump of an oncoming vomit fill up the length of my throat. I barely had enough time to wrap myself up in a towel before a violent bout of vomiting started taking place. I didn't even have time to kneel in front of the toilet before the chunks started flying out of my mouth. Thankfully, I made every last bit of it into the toilet. What I didn't make into the toilet was the last bit of urine left in my body and my hurried hurl left me pissing uncontrollably all over the floor... or at least I thought I was peeing on the floor. I didn't realize in my vomit induced stupor that I was actually standing over a bucket of Barbies that the kids like to drag in and out of the bathtub for playtime. Barbie has never been so blond in her entire life. After I flushed away the vomit and bleached the floor around the toy tub I sat debating whether or not to boil the toys or toss them. I decided to boil them and give the pee trinkets back to the kids because Barbies are fucking expensive.

Anyway, I hope I made you laugh and not puke.